you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
