So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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