New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
