Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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