Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drunk is not a location!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
