you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
