a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
