New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
