I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
