I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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