he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
