your room smells of hookers.
And success
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
