i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
