You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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