What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
