i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
