i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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