My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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