UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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