Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm passing your future prison.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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