anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
His nipple licking is glorious
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