can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
