Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
