just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the day after is always just damage control
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
