hell yes lets make some ravioli
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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