it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
