it was like his penis was on wheels.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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