My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
