what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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