Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
