6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
