she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
