I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
