Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
