After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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