yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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