Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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