He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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