she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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