I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I love you. Go after that dick
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
