I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
