i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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