i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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