i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
