Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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