I'm so fucking centered right now
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
