I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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