"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
