Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
