Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
