i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
