Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
