All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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