Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
