Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
