We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize