i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
