Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
home. puking in laundry basket.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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