k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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