Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
