You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
