i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
