I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
