don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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