i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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