At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
