The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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