So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
