Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
