is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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