hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So many bounce houses so little time
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize