who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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