He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
